Is “consensual” non-monogamy related to sexual well-being?

by Mariikka 11. November 2026 Families, Well-being 0

Michelle Larva

Having more than one intimate partner can come with its challenges, but many individuals who practice consensual non-monogamy (CNM; e.g., open relationships, polyamory, swinging) maintain happy and harmonious relationships. But does this apply to their experiences in the bedroom too?

In our new study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, we wanted to know whether having more than one partner — and whether the partners know about one another or not — is linked to sexual well-being (meaning, for example, how your body responds during sex, how satisfied you are, and how much desire you feel).

With colleagues from Finland, Portugal, and the U.S., we conducted two studies: one with almost 900 people from an international survey, and one with over 10,000 people sampled from the Finnish population.

The Finnish data was a unique contribution to the field of CNM research. Unlike in most studies on CNM, it wasn’t collected from people who signed up because they were non-monogamous — it came from general population surveys.

To compare fairly, we used a method called nearest-neighbor matching: each non-monogamous person was paired with a monogamous person who was otherwise similar to them in terms of age, attitudes toward sex, cohabitation, gender, etc. This gives a more reliable picture than studies that only sample people who already identify strongly with, say, polyamory.

We have a saying in sex research: we make sexy boring. So enough about the methods! What did we find?

Small differences in sexual well-being between monogamous and non-monogamous people

People’s sex lives looked broadly similar no matter if they had one or multiple intimate partners. Non-monogamous men reported slightly better ability to delay orgasm during sex, and non-monogamous men and women a bit more desire, than monogamous people — small differences, not signs of any downsides to nonmonogamy.

We did spot one interesting pattern, though. Among women with more than one partner, desire and satisfaction were a little higher with a newer partner than with their more established, longer-term one. This wasn’t very surprising; new relationships often carry a spark that settles down over time in any relationship, monogamous or not.

It does not necessarily mean anything is lacking in the other relationship, and we know from prior research that eroticism isn’t as central to CNM individuals’ primary relationship satisfaction.

Does openness matter for sexual well-being?

Here is the finding that surprised us most. Comparing people who were open with their partner(s) about having other partners—to people who were hiding it (what we might call “cheating”)—we found barely any difference in terms of their sexual well-being. That certainly doesn’t mean honesty isn’t important in relationships. It clearly matters for trust and attachment. But for sexual functioning specifically, our data found no advantage to doing it the open and “ethical” way.

One thing did matter among men, and that was secrecy. Men who hid other sexual relationships or emotional connections from their main partner reported less sexual satisfaction with that partner, regardless of whether they were monogamous or CNM.

Having multiple partners does not appear to reduce sexual well-being

The takeaway: people have multiple intimate relationships mostly without drawbacks to their sex-life. Apart from small differences in “how long men last” and people’s sexual desire, well-being in the bedroom looks largely similar among those with one and multiple intimate partners.